What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 23:54
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We all went to grammer schools
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Should parents force their kids to go to school when they are sick?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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I was 9 years of age.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I could never make a relationship work though!
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But ive been too sick for many years..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why do almost all the girls on Quora look beautiful?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
When she asked me how she looked .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ive learnt so much.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
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Put me off passion for life!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What did i know ?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why, after a divorce, would one still want to ruin the other one’s life?
We were not on the streets..
It was going to be , some day.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
This is soul school!.
How are Hinduism and Sikhism related, considering they both originated in Punjab, India?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And i lived it daily.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What is the cost of living in Sweden as a family?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im still living with it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I couldn’t, believe it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was very sick at this time too.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So, i spoilt her more .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I will be 64.
He knew the spot.
I don,t even have a pension.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Who then, do I blame.?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I said to her
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I never cut or harmed myself..
Comes on , in middle age.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But, we were locked up after school.
Why did i forgive my father ?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My life is so biszare .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She married twice! .
I waited trembling.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But it wasn’t much.
She wouldn,t have been !
He was dying to do it , i knew.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Would this be the day?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My family never makes their pension either.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was seconnd youngest,
All the time i was locked up.
One cannot live in the past .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I write beautiful poetry .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I think the readers, may guess!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I have no regrets .
So whats the point in blame.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She found it foreign!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She was in good health!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She loved him until the end.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was scared of men, in general
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.